Maroon 5 Game of Thrones Parody

For those who haven't seen it yet...

All Time Greatest MMO Dick Moves

Not everyone who plays in a Massive Multiplayer Online game like World of Warcraft or EVE is a dick, but a lot of them are.  The feeling of being surrounded by assholes while playing an MMO is compounded by hearing tales of epic douchebagery.  Recently Cracked.com set out to compile a list of the 7 Biggest Dick Moves in the History of Online Gaming.  

Not only is it an interesting read, but managing to narrow down the list to only seven is a feat I would have previously thought impossible. 

Just Watch This

Coaching Dungeons & Dragons

I stopped by Wondrous Imaginings yesterday and was rewarded with one of the funniest things I have seen in quite some time.  Dungeon Bastard did a PSA about Bill Cavalier, Adventure Coach.  I could take the time to describe it to you, but I just don't have the heart to ruin it for you!

Check it out...

New D&D Song: Roll A D6

There are a number of songs that deal with RPGs and Dungeons and Dragons specifically, but I think I can say with confidence that this one is pretty unique.  This video has some pretty impressive production values and special effects.  It certainly wins the award for the most use of auto-tune on vocals.   To be fair to those who made the video, the reason for all the auto-tune is because it is a parody of the song Like A G6 by Far East Movement.

I think we can all agree that Roll A D6 is a huge improvement. 

Friday Videos: Cthulhu meets Abba

What happens when you cross the Lord of R'lyeh with a Swedish pop group from the 70s?

Magic!

If you don't believe me then you should check out this video tribute to Cthulhu. The song is a musical parody of the Abba song Fernando.


Thanks go out to Akratic Wizardry for spreading the word about this!

Friday Videos: Dungeon Master Gurls Music Video

For this week's Friday Videos I was going to post something Gen Con related as it has been on my mind, but someone sent me this.  I... Well, I don't know exactly what to say about this.  It's...uh... Something.  That is for sure.  Yep, it is definitely something.  Just what that something is... well, that's open to debate. 

Stephen Colbert schools James Franco

James Franco was recently a guest on the ever entertaining Colbert Report.  During the show the two got into something of a pissing contest about who was the bigger Lord of the Rings fan.  Unfortunately for James Franco, he seemed to come to the battle with an empty bladder.  Still, Colbert's intimate knowledge of Middle Earth Lore, his pity of Franco's limited knowledge, and his passion for the subject matter make it great fun to watch.

Check it out below, it starts around 3:25 with their conversation of Freaks & Geeks.

The Best April Fool's Day Joke of the Year

Most web sites engage in a bit of tom foolery on April 1.  The gags usually run the gambit in terms of quality, but this year I really think one rose high above the rest.  Now I'm not saying that it, "Got" anyone.  I seriously doubt it got anyone, but that doesn't mean that it isn't hilarious. 

I could describe it but hell, just go take a look at dnd5.com.  You'll be glad you did.

The Cthulhu Flower

Also known as the Mask Flower, Alonsoa grows in Central and western South America, from Mexico south to Peru and Chile.

Also it looks like Cthulhu and is slightly mind blowing.

Sanity check!

The Accidental Antagonist

Recently I was looking through my notes of an old but beloved campaign my group played years ago called Nordis.  It was a cool campaign about an untamed wilderness full of treasure that hid a dark past that the party had to uncover.  It was a lot of fun, and has a lot of my favorite gaming memories but the one memory that really came back to me while looking through the notes was more of a humorous one. The story of the Accidental Antagonist.

As I said the game predominantly took place in a dense and unnatural jungle and the party spent a lot of time trudging through said jungle and battling its inhabitants.  I had a series of random encounter charts for the various parts of the jungle and the first time the party entered section 2 I rolled randomly and found that the party had come across a Troll.

Before

A Troll is a pretty standard opponent in a game of D&D, certainly nothing new for any of my players, but no one was prepared for the fallout from this seemingly innocent battle.  It didn't take long for the battle to turn against the party.  Trolls are dangerous and can pump out massive amounts of damage with their claw attacks and Rend ability.  Unfortunately for the group this problem was compounded with a crit or two and before anyone realized that they were in for the fight of their lives one of their members had already gone down.  The group ended up fleeing and escaping the troll with their lives, but certainly not their dignity, intact.  In my mind it had been a rough encounter for the group.  The dice had gone against them, but they had escaped and would be able to heal up and continue their quest.  No harm done.  Ah, how wrong I was.  If I only knew what was to come.  

When the part got back safely to town they spread word a Demon Troll roaming the woods, I figured they were just trying to save a little face, it had just been a regular random encounter troll out of the Monster Manual after-all.  Still, they went on for a few days as they got themselves back into fighting form, telling those who would listen to beware the Demon Troll lest it smite them, etc etc.  After everyone had recuperated I figured they would resume their quest when they reentered the forest.  They had other ideas.  When I asked which way they were headed they stated that they were making a bee-line for the spot where they had fought the troll.  I sighed, now realizing that the fight wasn't over that only the first round had ended.  The group was determined to deal with the Troll reciprocating the kindness that he had shown them. 

When they reached the spot of their first battle I rolled to see if the Troll was around.  He wasn't.  I figured that might be the end of it, but the Ranger decided to make good use of his tracking skill and hunt it back to its lair.  Once they arrived Round 2 issued.  The party was hindered by the entrance to the Troll's Dwelling, a decent sizes cave, which meant only two of them could really get in there and and mix it up with him.  This bottle neck turned to be the deciding factor in the battle and again the Troll gave the party a whipping they would never forget.  This time they barley escaped a TPK situation by one of the characters with enhanced speed making the Troll chase her through the woods while the rest of the party limped back to town.  

At this point one might have had hope that the issue was over and that the party would move on with some meaningful exploration of one of the many ruins, but I could see it was way past that.  Either the party was going to die, or this Troll was.  It was, "On Like Donkey Kong" as they say.  

After

Round 3 saw the party defeated again in the open forest.  Having narrowly escaped a TPK in their last encounter they had a much more itchy trigger finger on the eject button.  Round 3 was a turning point because at this point thing were starting to get ridiculous.  This damn random Troll had taken up over an entire game session all on his own.  He had defeated a party of adventurers three times.  It was time for him to get his own character sheet and a level of Barbarian.  His character sheet with the name Kraahn written at the top was what I came across in my notes that really brought this story to mind. 

The forth time the party found the mighty Troll Kraahn he had taken leadership of a tribe of Orcs who he had subjugated by force and intimidation.   This gave the party a chance to back out rationally.  Now they weren't just dealing with their hated enemy but also with a small tribe of Orcs!  Surely reason would kick in and the part would get the hell out of dodge.

Nope.

They charged into the camp screaming vengeance like a bunch of maniacs.  They mowed through several Orcs but eventually Kraahn made his appearance.  I made a point of describing him anew as seemingly more mighty than ever before but the party took no heed.  One of the characters, the one who had led the charge for the death of this Troll from the first, Harold Scarbottom dashed at the Troll with reckless abandon.  He battled the Troll alone for a time while the others held off the Orcs.  However, Kraahn had grown so strong that Harold had no choice but to feign death in the hopes of escaping.  Escape he did, and the rest of the party with him, but their defeat only strengthen Kraahn more.

Another level in Barbarian?  Check.

The Evolution

The fifth and final battle saw the party pull out all the stops, spend all their money on fire, acid and other supplies, and expend all of their resources in an attempt to smite their hated nemesis once and for all.  They were more clever this time, picking off as many of the Orcs from the tribe as possible when they left camp to hunt.  They also set up an ambush and lured Kraahn out of town.  Two levels of Barbadian or not, the guy wasn't the sharpest sword on the rack.  Even with all of these things together Kraahn didn't go down without a fight.  He KO'd one party member and literally ripped Harrol Scarbottom in half before finally dying for good. 


At the end of the session I was kind of floored at what had become of a simple random encounter Troll.  I wasn't too happy about it, but the group seemed to feel otherwise.  The yells of triumph when Kraahn went down in a flaming bubbling heap were nearly deafening.  Even Moox whose character Harold Scarbottom had died in the quest was ecstatic about the victory.  At his request we started a PC graveyard and had little sayings with which to remember how the character died.  Harold's read, "Never play Ahab to a Barbarian Troll's Moby Dick."  I think that summed up the series of events nicely.  The players happiness over the entire affair was only compounded when they saw the small fortune that Kraahn and his Orcs had accumulated and how much experience the Troll himself was worth.  Though I had never planned any of it, everyone had had a great time and left with a sense of real accomplishment for finally beating the bad guy. 

The moral of the story is that the best laid plans of Mice and GM's don't always work out, but sometimes this is Serendipitous.  Some of the very best things that happen just happen accidentally.  Certainly that is the case with Kraahn, the Accidental Antagonist.  He started off being just a Troll rolled on a random encounter chart but became one of the most hated and most memorable enemies our group has ever seen.

Friday Video: Bram Stoker's Dracula In Under Two Minutes

Bram Stoker's Dracula is a very important and influential book.

It also stinks.

That's my opinion, anyway.  I read it, along with a number of other important pieces of Vampire fiction in preparation for running I6: Ravenloft.  Honestly, that was a waste of time.  I might as well have watched the below video.  That would also have been worthless for gathering inspiration, but at least it would have been funny and short.   

The Hobbit In Under Two Minutes

Always wanted to read The Hobbit but never had the time?  Here is the solution, and it is more entertaining than the Cliff's Notes!

Friday Video: The Call of Cthulhu In Under Two Minutes

I love the game Call of Cthulhu and am having a blast playing our current campaign, but when I read the story The Call of Cthulhu by HP Lovecraft I was kind of shellshocked.  I wasn't very good.  In fact, I really thought it was bad. 

Hey don't throw things as me!

I've read other Lovecraft stories and enjoyed them (Dunwich Horror, The Shadow Over Innsmouth, etc) but I just didn't like Call of Cthulhu.  I may have been a matter of expectations  (it was the first Lovecraft story I ever read and I expected to love it) or it could be that it just isn't my cup of tea.  Whatever the reason I really wish someone has pointed me to the video below, The Call of Cthulhu in Under 2 Minutes.  It does an amazing job of telling the whole tale in, you guessed it, under two minutes and manages to be really funny at the same time.

Enjoy!

Gamemaster Alignments - Part 2

Welcome back!  We're going to pick up right where we left off last time.  

Neutral Evil (Jasper from Fellowship of the Dice)

The Neutral Evil Gamemaster is there for himself and no one else.  His enjoyment comes first, and is likely to be the only joy found at the table.  He is often adversarial, but doesn't feel the need to restrict his waring on the players to rules often justifying his "boning" of the players by stating some story reason that has superseded them.  The NE GM's vision is supreme and you can get on the bus or get the hell out.  Never wrong in his own mind, he simply rationalizes players leaving as a problem with them and not with him.  Jasper from The Fellowship of the Dice has been chosen to represent the NE GM because he is often self centered, focusing on the amazing story he is laying out without a care in the world as to whether the players are enjoying the game. 


Chaotic Good (Lodge from the Gamers 2: Dorkess Rising)

The Chaotic Good Gamemaster wants the players to have fun, and believes that creating a great story and great roleplaying is the way to accomplish this.  He has no qualms about tinkering, bending, or just flat out throwing out the rulebook to make this happen.  To the Chaotic Good Gamemaster the story always comes first which is why I selected Lodge from the second Gamers movie, Dorkness Rising, to represent them.  Lodge get's called out by his players for breaking the rules to which he firmly replies, "Story trumps rules!"  His disregard for the rules in the game of a great story is typical of a Chaotic Good Gamemaster. 


Chaotic Neutral  (Dragonmaster from Dragon Strike)

The Chaotic Neutral Gamemaster is no less an arbiter than his Lawful Neutral Counterpart, the difference is that he isn't arbitrating using the rules, he is arbitrating a story.  In many was the Chaotic Neutral Gamemaster is the ultimate story teller.  He doesn't let anything get in the way of a great story, not player enjoyment, not even his own enjoyment.  To him the story is tantamount and he will throw away the rulebook to make the story work.  The fierce and bizarre Dragonmaster from Dragon Strike represents the Chaotic Neutral Gamemaster because he is more telling a story than running a game and though the uses the rules in many places he flat out breaks them to keep things moving in many others.  His disregard for for rules is apparent almost immediately when he tells one apprehensive player, "You don't need the hand of anything, imagination is all you need.  Close your eyes, open your mind, and I'll transport you to another realm."  The rules are not important to him, rather he wants his players focused on the journey they will all be taking in their imaginations. 

Chaotic Evil (Christopher Walken from Celebrity D&D)

The Chaotic Evil Gamemaster is an absolute nightmare for most players.  He is usually adversarial looking to kill the players at the first chance, and unlike his Lawful Evil counterpart, he isn't bound by any rules or even logic.  He cares about the story, but only so far as it amuses him, he cares nothing for whether the players are following suit.  Christopher Walken from Celebrity D&D is the perfect example of a Chaotic Evil Gamemaster.  No sooner does the game start than Keanu Reeves is killed off for no reason (though it may have had something to do with the Matrix Revolutions).  When everyone argues that he should be allowed a save Walken rejects the idea out of hand and moves on.


So that wraps up our nine Gamemaster Alignments.  Now the question is, what GM Alignment are you?  When you find yourself on the player side of things, what kinds of GMs have you played under, which was your favorite, and which was you least favorite? 

Gamemaster Alignments

Characters are given alignments as a way of summarizing their personality and world view into one of nine easily understood categories.  As I mentioned before, this is sometimes done with players as well, sometimes for humor and sometimes to help classify them as well.  Yet few attempt to categorize the person who has the greatest impact on the game, The Gamemaster.  Well, that is just what I mean to do today with the help of a handy aid I made.

You'll notice that the diagram represents slight upgrade over the previous version, but that's just window dressing, it's more of less the same. 

I will go through the alignments one at a time.  I will list who has been chosen to represent the alignment, what they are from, a summary of the alignment, and why that character was linked to that one specifically.  All of these are people from TV Shows, Movies, or some other video who are running D&D, or an equivalent.  If you want to take a shot at guessing who is who better do so now for spoilers lurk below.  Make sure to check out their quotes found underneith their alignment.  If you are stumped they might offer a clue as to who they are and where they came from.

Lawful Good (Daniel from Mazes & Monsters)

The Lawful Good Gamemaster believes in adhering sternly to the rules, believing that to be the best path to everyone having fun.  He believes in running a game that is fair, and in doing so believes that fun will be derived from such a game.  Daniel was chosen to represent Lawful Good because he cares very much about the game and wants everyone to have a great time, but at the same time refuses to bend the rules to save Freelic, a much beloved character of Jay-Jay's.

Lawful Neutral (The Gamemaster from The Gamers)

The Lawful Neutral Gamemaster believes in adhering to the rules, regardless of whether anyone is having fun or not.  The Neutral Good GM is no more likely to bend the rules to save a character than he is to kill one.  He favors very strict and often literal interpretations of the rules.  He will not bend the rules no matter how it might benefit the story in the game, to him the rules are the game.  The Gamemaster from the first Gamers movie is chosen to represent the Lawful Neutral GM because of the famous scene where the Thief states his intent to backstab an opponent with a Ballista.  This may sound ludicrous, and of course it is, but the GM looked it up and there was no rule to prevent it so it was allowed.  This kind of decision, playing strictly with the rules even when it flies in the face of logic and the game's story, is a classic example of a LN GM

Lawful Evil (Harris Trinsky from Freaks & Geeks)

The Lawful Evil GM believes that anything is allowed so long as he is playing within the confines of the rules.  The LE GM is more likely to take on an adversarial role, not caring much about whether his "opponents" (the players) are having fun.  Though he might be "out to get" the Players and their characters the LE GM only sees this as acceptable behavior because he is staying within the parameters of the rules.  The LE GM sees it not only his right to attempt to "beat" the players, but his duty as GM.  Harris from Freaks and Geeks was chosen for this role because in the D&D episode when he was called out by his players for exhibiting the above behaviors he doesn't shy away from it, rather says, "Oh I'm sorry perhaps I should let you encounter kittens and Grandmothers so as not to upset you."  Harris, like all LE GM's does not see anything wrong with going after his players, he sees it as his job to challenge them, push them to the bring, and if he is able, over a cliff. 

Neutral Good (Martin from Night of the Zombie King)

Striking a balance between rules and story the Neutral Good Gamemaster wants everyone to have fun and enjoy the game.  That is his first and primary goal when behind the screen and he is often willing bend, break, or fudge whatever he has to make that happen.  Martin from Night of the Zombie King is a great example of a Neutral Good Gamemaster because when the group is about to wiped out against their foul Dragon nemesis, Darkmoon, Martin fudged a die that would have ended all for his valiant players.  He turned a 20 into a 1 and gave the party a chance for victory.  A chance the part seized, creating in each of them perhaps their greatest gaming memory.  This sacrificing of the rules in the game of everyone's good time is a classic Neutral Good move. 

True Neutral (Abed from Community)

The True Neutral Gamemaster is the Switzerland of the Gaming world.  He is impartial in everything, preferring to look at himself as, "having no horse in the race."  He is a judge and arbiter, but has in a way, no active interest in the game save to mediate and run it.  Abed was chosen to represent True Neutral because he exuded the ideals of a TN GM during the Advanced Dungeons and Dragons episode of Community.  When the players went at each other Abed refused to help the, "good guys" instead stating that he needed to stay impartial or the game would have no meaning.  He stuck to those beliefs, those of a True Neutral Gamemaster, through the entire episode.  

...To be continued tomorrow in part 2!

Friday Videos: Dead Alewives Watchtower Part 1 & 2

Parts 1 and 2 of the Dead Alewives Watchtower are perhaps the funniest D&D parodies ever made. For a couple of reason the first part, by far the shorter of the two, is much better known.  In my opinion the second one is actually better. 

Regardless, they are both classics that every gamer should enjoy. 

DM Alignment Chart

Characters have an alignment which we use to give a general idea of how he views the world.  We often jokingly assign alignments to players as well, but rarely the man behind the screen. 

Here is the Dungeon Master Alignment chat.  I'm writing a longer piece to go with it that you'll probably see earlier next week, but for now see if you recognize all the DM's on the chart.  They are all running D&D (or an equivalent) in a movie or TV show and are all used to represent one of the nine alignments.

Mazes & Monsters Chapters 1-3

The Blog of Holding has released the first three chapters of the Mazes & Monsters rules.  Mazes & Monsters was a terrible anti-D&D movie from 1982 that I just found out was based on a book.  Now that I know that I have to get the book... I'll also see if I can dig up a copy of another book released around the same time and with much the same premise, Hobgoblin. 

Should make for some hilarious reading. 

Back to the Blog of Holding game; it is both free and frickin amazing.  If you are a fan of the movie you will laugh yourself silly.  I know I did. 

Friday Video: Celebrity Dungeons & Dragons

Keanu Reeves, Arnold Shwarzeneggar, Sean Connery, and Emma Thompson try to play Keep on the Borderlands with  Christopher Walken as their Dungeon Master.