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The Best Worst Movie: Troll 2

When I was a young lad I saw a terrible movie called Troll 2.  I didn't really understand a lot of what was going on, but I figured that was because I was a kid.  It wasn't until years later when I saw it again that I realized the reason I didn't understand what was going on was because the movie was fricken insanely bad.  It is so bad that there is a documentary about how bad the movie is. 

In the most recent episode of Half in the Bag, Red Letter Media did a review of both Troll 2 and the Documentary about it.  Check it out!


(Note: Like most Red Letter Media productions this is NSFW due to language)

The Greatest Star Wars Episode III Review... EVER

Red Letter Media strikes again with their long awaited Episode III review. Mr Plinkett spares no one in his comprehensive review of this absolute train wreck.

Yes, it is hilarious.

Yes, almost everything he says is true.

Weekend Roundup

Well I saw Voyage of the Dawn Treader and thought I'd warn you all to do the wiser thing and wait for video.  I wanted to like the movie, and thought that I would.  The trailer looked solid and I had no problem with the major change (adding an overall plot to diminish the episodic nature of the story), but I gotta tell ya... this one is a disappointment. 

It's hard to put my finger on exactly what made the movie so inferior to the ones the preceded it.  One theory is that they spend a great deal of time in the series building up this magical land, developing it's visual style and getting you to love it, but in Voyage of the Dawn Treader you never see it.  Now this wasn't a problem in the book, so I'm inclined to think this isn't really the problem in the movie. 

My second theory, and the one I'm more inclined to believe, is that this movie is just spastic.  It jumps all over the place, never focusing on any one character or event for more than a minute or two.  The movie seems to want to have five main characters: Lucy, Edmund, Caspian, Eustace, and Reepicheep.  Lucy is probably the closest the story has to a protagonist, but she get's only slightly more focus than the other four.  Having so many characters to focus on really split each character's time for focus and development down so low that they all end up being pretty two dimensional.  Each character has a vice, Lucy's vanity and Edmund's pride for example, that they must battle during the course of the voyage.  This would be great except that there are so many would-be protagonists that each character's screen time to work against their weakness is next to nothing. 

Now I'm not saying that this movie is Last Airbender kind of bad, but like I said wait for video.

I had a far more pleasant surprise waiting for me when I got him from the movie and started watching the Starz miniseries Pillars of the Earth.  Based on the historical fiction novel by Ken Follett, Pillars of the Earth is about a community that works together over decades to build a cathedral against great opposition.  It has some great actors (including Ian McShane of Deadwood fame), excellent characters, and a complex plot filled with political intrigue. 

Being a historical fiction one shouldn't take a history lesson from PotE, but it does use an interesting time of political upheaval in England (a period known as the Anarchy) and uses it as the backdrop for its story.  The Cathedral and indeed the town, along with all of the main characters from the story, are all fictional.  It takes some liberties with history to advance the story, but none of it is done in a way that made me cringe.

Unfortunately PotE was a miniseries so it only lasted eight episodes, but better a short run of quality than a longer one of mediocrity.  I highly recommend you check it out as there is some great inspiration for GMs and players alike to be found within.  Bishop Waleran in particular would make an excellent adversary.  A man who ranks high in the church and is a clever and experienced political player would make a truly formidable opponent indeed. 

Harry Potter and the Last Airbender's Sorcerer Apprentice

It's only recently hit me how popular the fantasy genre has become in the last ten years.  Setting aside the Vampire sub-genre, which itself has ballooned largely due to the success of the much loved and much reviled Twilight series, Fantasy has enjoyed a meteoric rise over the last decade largely thanks to the success of the Lord of the Rings films and Harry Potter series. 

Thinking back I realized how great we had it in the early 2000s.  In 2001 for example, we saw the release of both the Fellowship of the Ring and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone within a few months of each other.  Also released that year was Shrek, a somewhat unconventional Fantasy film, yet a fantasy all the same.  The following year had another the second installment of both the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter franchise, the last hurrah for how truly great the latter might have been.  In 2003 we saw the conclusion of the Lord of the Rings films and a new franchise burst onto the scene, Pirates of the Caribbean. Curse of the Black Pearl was an amazing film that little hinted at a couple of bad sequels that were waiting in the wings.

Then in 2004 we begin to see a drop in quality.  No, I'm not speaking of Shrek 2, a faithful and well made sequel, or even the awful fairytale film Ella Enchanted, but rather of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.  HP3 wasn't nearly as bad as some of the films that would come after it, but it heralded in a new era for the series.  Columbus left the director's chair and in his place came men who cared less for the story and more for the glamor.  Important and fun scenes were cut from the film, a necessity when dealing with very long books I know, but if you have no time for them why waste valuable time with worthless special effects that add nothing to the story?  The reason of course is a shift in priorities, substance was no longer the order of the day, style was.  That is what HP3 represents, the pursuit of style over substance.  It's really too bad Columbus didn't stick around for one more film because PoA is page for page the best book in the Harry Potter series. 

Moving onto 2005 we have a disaster of a Harry Potter movie (Goblet of Fire), but are given a brief reprieve with the release of a new movie franchise, The Chronicles of Narnia.  The first installment of this movie, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, was faithfully adapted to screen and though it didn't perform nearly as well it the newer and more popular Harry Potter, it was much better than the tripe the makers of the HP films were spewing out for the general public.  The following year we saw the first of the bad Pirates of the Caribbean squeals, Dead Man's Chest, as well as a number of other fantasy films including 300, Pan's Labyrinth and The Prestige.  300 was good, though slightly over-hyped in my opinion.  Not that I can blame anyone, give the amount of other crap being released people had the right to enjoy a good film when they finally got one.  Pan's Labyrinth and The Prestige were not traditional fantasy films.  I enjoyed the latter and found the former to have been way over-hyped.  The true horror of 2006 though was the film Eragon.  Truthfully, this movie is so bad that I don't trust myself to discuss it here without going into an angry tirade, so it's best to just move on. 

In 2007 bad fantasy films hit a crescendo and we were forced to suffer through what seemed to be bad film after bad film.  Specifically, and in nor particular order they were: Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End, and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Shrek the Third, Enchanted, Beowulf, and The Golden Compass. These movies range from bad to God Awful, and suffice to say I wouldn't recommend them to a friend.  However, 2007 did have a single ray of sunshine in it for Fantasy fans, the somewhat under the radar film, Stardust.  It was a quality film that really hearkened back to the immortal classic, The Princess Bride.  Stardust, unlike the other 2007 films all of which had a higher budget, is a movie I would have no trouble recommending to a friend.  

Well we're onto 2008 so you know what that means... Twilight.  Look I'm not going to waste space here bashing Twilight into the ground, it is a series that is very popular with its target audience, the "tweens," but for the rest of us it just isn't worth the time.  The other major fantasy film of 08 was the second installment of the Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian.  While some changes were made were made for the worse (Prince Caspian himself is older and FAR more annoying than in the book), this was still a quality film that I enjoyed.  The following year (09) we saw the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (another stinker), the new Twilight film New Moon (another waste of time for non-Tweens), and Avatar (a waste of time for everyone).

That brings us to 2010 and the slew of bad fantasy film on display at present.  I was going to include Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief in my clever tittle, but to be honest it wasn't worth the effort.  I fell asleep during that movie, but stayed awake just long enough to lament that it might have actually been good in more competent hands.  More recently the wife and I have watched 3 fantasy films in the last couple of weeks: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1), The Last Airbender, and The Sorcerer's apprentice.  I'm going to start with the Sorcerer's apprentice because that is the movie that I watched last.

The Sorcerer's apprentice is bad.  The script sucks, the acting is terrible, the characters are unlikeable, and I spent the whole movie rooting for Morgana to just end the world and put me out of my misery.  Truth be told this isn't even a Fantasy Film.  That's right, folks!  The makers of the Sorcerer's apprentice decided to go all "Midichlorians" on us and explain that a Sorcerers powers are actually just science.  Nick Cage explains to his apprentice in one seen (that made me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a spork) that though most people can only use 10% of their brains, Sorcerers can use 100% and manipulate the natural world around them. Yep, it's that old myth, used as a crutch once again for bad storytelling.  I guess they never read our article on keeping magic magical.  Sadly as bad as this film is, it isn't even the worst of the three.

The worst movie of the three (dare I say by far?) is by far The Last Airbender (I do!).  I almost can't put into words just how bad this movie is.  The acting is absolutely atrocious, seriously it is one of the worst acted films I have ever seen.  I don't know who cast this movie, but they should be put out to pasture.  The villain is the pizza guy from Spiderman 2!  I shit you not.   The fact is, that everything about this movie is bad save for the special effects.  Once again, we see style trump substance and this time it leads to an unmitigated disaster.  I think the wife and I would have shut the movie off but we were both like a deer in headlights the entire time. Fortunately, it was all downhill from there.

"Fear my flame bending powers, for I shall burn your crust!"

The Deathly Hallows (Part 1) was the best of the three.  It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, though given that I thought it would be terrible this isn't saying much.  This one is still pretty new so I'll leave it at that for now.

So now that we've gone though the recent past and present of Fantasy Films what do I see in the future?  Well given that I've been pretty doom and gloom for this entire article you probably think all I see is darkness and despair, but actually that isn't the case.  Fantasy will see an inevitable dip in popularity next year when the Harry Potter films end, but there is actually a lot coming up to brighten the horizon and it isn't all coming on the big screen.

For starters you have the new Chronicles of Narnia movie (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader) which looks promising.  The biggest and best hope is Peter Jackson's return to middle earth for a two part version of The Hobbit.  With Jackson on board, and with the quality cast he has assembled, I am so sure of this films quality that I would bet my house that it will be great. 

Despite some great movies on tap at the movie theater I actually think the future of great fantasy could come on the small screen.  HBO's A Game of Thrones is bound to be some of the best fantasy we have seen in a while, if not ever.  It has that type of potential, given the impeccable source material combined with a commitment and integrity that just isn't seen much on blockbuster films anymore.  Also busting onto the small screen in 2011 is a new Starz series, Camelot.  Camelot tells the story of King Arthur and his Knight of the Round table right from the beginning.  Like HBO, Starz seems to be aiming for a grittier and more realistic fantasy, cut with a healthy dose of political intrigue.  

Though the future of quality fantasy looks like it may be on the rise watch out for landmines such as the World of Warcraft movie, The new Conan film, The Elfstones of Shannara, and other highly questionable projects on the horizon.

Red Letter Media reviews Star Trek... The Star Trek

Red Letter Media strikes again with its review of JJ Abrams 2009 Star Trek.  How does Mr. Plinkett feel about the film?  Have a look!

Ironman 2 Review

I really liked the first Ironman movie.  It exceeded my expectations, which admittedly were somewhat low.  Considering the greatness of the first movie there was no way my expectations would again be low so when I went to see Ironman 2 last night I expected greatness.

I got goodness instead.

The film isn't bad, but it isn't great either, unlike its predecessor.  Ironman 2 has some problems, only some of which I'll get into because I don't want this review to turn into a rant about the things I didn't like about the movie, and because I want to keep this spoiler free.

My major complaint about the movie is that it is terribly unfocused.  The first film had a central plot and kept to it the whole time, there were no more characters than one needed to tell the story and the Avengers crossover was kept to a small scene after the credits.  In contrast Ironman 2 just has too many things going on, has far more characters than it needs, and beats you over the head with SHIELD, almost as though the producers said, "Hey let's take 20 minutes of Ironman 2 to act like a commercial for the Avengers movie."  Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to the Avengers movie, and I liked the little teaser in the first film, but this was excessive.   

Note: For those of you going to see it, Ironman 2 has a small scene after the credits so make sure you stick around. 

Another thing that kind of bothers me about this film is that the plot for the enemy is inherently the same as the first film; Tony Starks technology gets used against him.  Look I'm not asking for the Mandarin here, but if Ironman 3 has the same general premise then I'm not sure I'll be able to sit through another 2 hours.  I really hope when they make a third film that they are a little more creative with the plot and don't just go back to the same well. 


Though all I've done is complain so far, as I said above, this is a good movie.  Robert Downey Jr. is again flawless and hilarious as Tony Stark.  One of my friends actually suggested the movie be called 'Tony Stark' instead of Ironman because everything interesting that happens in the movie is Stark out of the suit.  While I'm not sure I agree with that Stark is once again a hilarious narcissist on a campaign of flawless self promotion, as he should be. The special effects again are excellent, the suits all look great, and the music was well chosen.  Overall I give the film a B/B-, a downgrade from the A/A- I gave the first film but still a solid outting. 

Epsiode 2 Review has Finally Arrived!

RedletterMedia has stuck again!  This time it is their long awaited review of Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones.  This review is longer (approx 90 min) than any of their past reviews, but no less funny.  I've embedded all nine parts for your viewing pleasure.

Enjoy!!!

The Utter Destruction of Star Trek... Oh and Star Wars too

Nearly all Star Trek Movies have been a big pile of steaming crap.  I feel that the truth of that statement is so intrinsic that I'm not even presenting it as opinion, just mere fact.  To say these films were disappointing for the most part would be a woeful understatement. 

There are exceptions of course, Wrath of Khan was good, as was the new Star Trek reboot recently released.  If you look at the rest however there is very little to feel good about.  I once thought that there were far too many flaws in these films for one to point out, but that was until I found RedLetterMedia. 

RLM has done several Star Trek reviews to date, all of them hilarious, and all of them spot on.  Basically this means that he utterly destroys each movie and those involved in its creation, but I think my favorite part is that the guy is obviously a Star Trek fan.  He loves it and is indignant about what those entrusted with the franchise have done it it.

Here is part 1 of his review of everyone's favorite Star Trek film... Generations.

Now all these reviews are completely hilarious, but you'll have to put up with some bizarre humor as he talks about being a redneck, pizza rolls, killing his wife in a car accident, and keeping prostitutes tied up in his basement.  Weird, I know.  But they are only brief distractions from the humor and truth in each review.



In addition to Generations he has review First Contact, Insurrection and Nemesis.  You can see all of his reviews on his youtube channel.  There is also a 2 part review for Avatar that can be found there, as well as probably the most ridiculously funny review I have ever seen, his review of Star Wars Episode 1.



His Episode 1 review is long and detailed.  How long?  Try a whopping 70 minutes long!  Believe me it is worth it.  Here is part 1 of 7 to wet your appetites.

After having verbally bashed Episode 1 into the ground RLM now sets its sites on Episode II: Attack of the Clones.  Though no release date has been given it has been said over at the RLM website that the review is coming soon.

I'll be sure and update you when it becomes available.  Until then enjoy!

2012 Sucks My Balls (and other Observations)

 

I'm working on a conspiracy theory that the film 2012 was actually a movie produced by big Hollywood execs to see how shitty they can make a film, put a ton of ridiculous special effects into, and still have it be successful.  This movie was like a two and half hour bad joke.  What little story there was sucked and I just wanted the characters to hurry up and die.  Even the Mrs, who has a higher tolerance for terrible films than I do, made no complaints when I "accidentally" started fast forwarding what I can only imagine was intended to the suspenseful parts.

Folks I think we can safely say we are in a drought as far as quality films are concerned.  

Want proof?  Look at the Academy Awards.  The Movie Hurt Locker cleaned up and it wasn't a great movie.  Now it wasn't a bad movie either, but to win Best Picture it should have to be a great movie.  I kind of wish the Academy would just say, "Uh, sorry guys.  No Best Picture this year... nothing worth awarding." 

Now I'm not going to be one of those doom and gloom people who say that good movies as we know them are over because I don't believe that.  These droughts happen from time to time but they end eventually.  Until then we'll just have to walk softly through the minefield and avoid movies like Cop Out. 

Though I am not predicting the downfall of the movie industry as we know it I will say that I agree with those who believe that Hollywood is starting to lean too heavily on special effects.  They seem to believe that the stunning visuals they can create with computers will cover up the deficiencies of a bad script, terrible directing, and awful acting.   George Lucas once said, "Special Effects are just a tool, a means of telling a story.  People have a tenancy to confuse them as an ends themselves.  A special effect without a story is a pretty boring thing."  Now obviously George forgot lost sight of this when creating Episodes I-III, but he isn't alone.  I think the whole industry has lost site of the fact that special effects alone do not make a great movie.  I do think they'll come around eventually though.  How many Adventures of Pluto Nashs do you have to create before you realize what you are doing wrong? 

Why Couldn't the Dungeons and Dragons Movies Have Been This Good?

This isn't going to be a review, so you can just fault me for false advertising right now.  No, instead this is more of a lament, for something that should have been great, but fell on its face.  

I'm speaking of the Dungeons and Dragons Movies, of course.  

The first D&D movie had promise... if you didn't look too close.  It had established actors, most notably Jeremy Irons, and it had a fairly large budget of $45 million when it was made in 2000.  Despite that the movie was simply awful.  Gary Gygax even dissed the movie in the gamer documentary Uber Goober.

What can I say about this film?  Not much that is good, that's for damn sure.  It's almost painful to watch from start to finish.  I'm actually getting angry just thinking about it.  The plot is awful, the characters are terrible, the acting is worse, the direction is a joke, and the special effects suck for the most part.  

None of that is the worst part, though.  The worst part is that the film was named Dungeons and Dragons.  For years studios have believed that fantasy movies, and specifically D&D could not be made into a successful movie.  Right around the time that this movie was made some changed their minds and greenlit a bunch of fantasy movies like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.  While those two franchises soared to record box office numbers D&D grossed a whopping 15.2 million dollars domestically and 33 million world wide.  So the real tragedy is that this film seemed to confirm studio suspicions about the lack of viability of a D&D movie when the reality is that the movie just sucked because of the people put in charge of making it, most notably wirter/director Courtney Solomon.

Despite the first movie sucking lama balls a second movie was made.  This was not a big Hollywood production, but rather a made for TV film.  Dungeons and Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God was better the the original, which is kind of surprising, but still not very good... which is less surprising. 

The film was billed as a sequel to the first film, though nothing is the same save Bruce Payne and the name of his character, Damodar.  The film is better in that, unlike its predessor, it is the Dungeon and Dragons film.  There are numerous references from in the game including a cleric of Obad-Hai, a mage who uses standard D&D spells like Lightning Bolt and Teleport, the fighter wielding a Vorpal Sword, and a sleezy theif who specializes in finding and disarming traps.  Even with all this the film is at best a one time watch for hard core D&D fans who can appreciate all these things.  It lacked the budget of the first one, and did as much as one might expect with a total budget of 12 million dollars.  

That having been said, I'd like to see what the Dead Gentlemen could do with a 12 million dollar budget!  Their masterpiece, The Gamers 2: Dorness Rising was made on a miniscule budget and is more of a D&D movie than either of the official titiles. 

You might think that they should just scrap the idea of making a live action movie and try for an animated one.  It would certainly be cheaper and easier to produce.  Oh wait, they tried that too with Scourge of Worlds.  SoW is a little known of project that was a straight to video interactive adventure that fell flat on its face.  How could this also be a failure?  How hard it is to make a great fantasy animation video?  

Hmmm....

Wow... I guess it can be done. 

Gamer Movie Review: Top 10 Sci-Fi

There are a ton of Sci-Fi games out there. Gamers love Sci-Fi, even those who choose not to play within the Genre. Whether you play Sci-Fi games or not there is a ton of inspiration to be drawn from the very best films the genre has to offer. Often the technology element in the story can be substituted for magic when playing in a fantasy game, making the transition easier than most people think.

So without further fanfare here is the list...

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TOP 10 GAMER SCI-FI FILMS

10. Back to the Future – Time travel is so rarely done well, but Back to the Future really hits a home run with it. The first one is great, but as happens so often, the subsequent films are not quite as good. Still, the whole trilogy is worth watching.

9. The Thing – Great setup for a film. This film is full of tension, as no one knows who has been taken over by the alien. One of Kurt Russell’s best.

8. Alien - Alien and Aliens are great. I try not to hold them responsible for Aliens 3, or anything AVP related.

7. Predator – Well if we couldn’t fit Conan in I’m glad we at least worked Arnold in! The Predator was a great film but those that came after it (Including the God awful AVP films) are not so good.

6. Blade Runner – Harrison Ford will always be known as Han Solo and Indian Jones, but if there is third thing he should be known for it is his role as Rick Deckard in Bladerunner. This movie is a must see for any Sci-Fi fan.

5. Terminator – Terminator 1 and 2 are great. The third film was bad (see below), but it wasn’t enough to ruin the franchise. Thus Arnold makes another well deserved appearance on our list.
4. The Matrix – Before you get on me about this one know that I am only talking about the first one. If you can think back to a time when it was the only one I am sure that you too loved this movie.

3. Star Trek – Whichever is your preference, I prefer the original. Star Trek has become a massive franchise, spanning television, movies, toys, and of course RPGs. Star Trek’s influence on pop culture and the Sci-Fi genre cannot be denied.

2. Serenity/Firefly – Yes, I put it higher than Star Trek. Let me have it, if you want, but I’m not changing it. Yes, I know I put Firefly on the Western list as well. No, I’m not changing that either. Color my coat brown, people. Serenity and Firefly are truly amazing works of art. If we have seen the last of it (God I hope not) then let me go on record as saying that Joss Whedon and Company did more with fourteen episodes and a movie than some people could do with three blockbuster films and endless resources (Yeah, I’m looking at you George Lucas). Margaret Weis Productions released a Serenity RPG in 2005. Those of you who love Serenity/Firefly are encouraged to check it out.

1. Star Wars – Ok now that I’ve ripped GL over his recent work let me talk briefly about why his older work earns the number one spot. Star Wars came from no where to have a huge impact on popular culture and the sci-fi genre. Then it did more. It has permeated our culture so much that its influence has spanned well beyond just inspiring science fiction. Star Wars is one of those timeless classics that nearly everyone has seen, and confessions of having not seen it are met with justified incredulity. As with Star Trek, Star Wars is a massive franchise now. Movies, television, books, and toys have been around for a long time. It has a long tradition of video games, the more recent Knight of the Old Republic series being extremely good. Let’s not forget the pen and paper RPGs as well. Star Wars ignites the imagination like few other things can, and it is only natural that gamers would be drawn to it.


Skip It
Predator 2
Terminator 3
The Matrix 2&3

Gamer Movie Review: Top 10 Westerns

Ah, the Western. An great genre when done well, but unfortunately it has been done badly and with more repetition than anyone would care to remember. When it comes to westerns and gaming I never thought the two mixed all that well. But that was before the release of Aces & Eights. That game truly blew me away, and if you haven't checked it out you really should.

With my favorite western RPG in mind, here is the list of the top 10 Gamer Westerns of all time.

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TOP 10 GAMER WESTERNS

10. Firefly (Series) - This one might take people by surprise, but if you haven't seen it believe me, Firefly really embraces the western genre. Yes they are in space some of the time, and yes this might appear on another list, but come on! This show did less with a full seasons than most shows do with several seasons.

9. High Noon - I originally saw this film in my Film Study Class. Classic film, with a basic but powerful premise, a showdown at High Noon.

8. Once Upon a Time in the West - Can you believe this movie was a financial flop in the US? Me neither. Many people consider this to be one of the greatest westerns of all time, and for good reason. The cast of this film is amazing.

7. The Searchers - John Wayne... nuff said.

6. Fist Full of Dollars - One of Eastwood's "Man with No Name" films. There is a reason there is more than one. The formula works and Eastwood is awesome.

5. 3:10 to Yuma - Either one. Both the original and the 2007 remake were both good. Wow... you can't say that very often.

4. The Magnificent Seven - Was a movie ever so set up to be a gamer movie? Seven men are brought together to protect a small village from a band of outlaws. Sounds like a great game to me.

3. The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly - This was my father's favorite western and we used to watch it a lot when I was a kid. In many ways this movie exemplifies everything that a western is. This movie is an enduring classic, and is heaped with praise even by modern filmmakers. Quentin Tarantino has said that he believes the film is the best directed film of all time.

2. Deadwood (Series) - This show was like a long running Aces and Eights game. This was a great series and is available on DVD. If you are planning on running or playing in a A&8 game, go pick it up.

1. Unforgiven - In my opinion the ultimate western. Eastwood is nothing short of amazing in this movie. It is gritty and realistic, and cuts through a lot of the glamorizing of how things were in the old west. This movie shows that one doesn't call his enemies out to the center of town, he waits until he is drunk and shoots him in the back. A Must See.

Skip It

Once Upon a Time in Mexico – TERRIBLE. What else can I say?

Texas Rangers

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

American Outlaws

Gamer Movie Review: Top 10 Children's Gamer Movies

Ok here is the top 10 list of Children's Movies. Remember these lists just pertain to Gamer movies, so don't be pissed when Snow White or Lion King isn't on there. This list was tough, there are a lot of good movies that could have been included, but I had to narrow it down to 10. Here goes...

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TOP TEN CHILDREN'S GAMER FILMS

10. The Labyrinth – Ok this isn’t shameless self promotion, I promise! This movie really was great, and kids still love it today. Jim Henson did an amazing job in this film… plus it has David Bowie. Bonus!

9. Conan the Adventurer – By Crom, it’s Conan again! This is actually a cartoon series that aired in the early 90’s. It should not be confused with the live action television series. To prevent confusion, and to give you a glimpse how awesome this cartoon was (It was like a D&D campaign in cartoon form) here is the intro! WARNING: Do not start the video unless you are prepared for something amazing.

8. Legend – Holy hell, it’s Tom Cruise before he lost his mind! This movie had one of the coolest and scariest looking villains in movie history.

7. The Chronicles of Narnia - Though they haven’t met with much commercial success these films are actually quite good. From magic items, to fantastic creatures, the Chronicles of Narnia have plenty of things that can be dropped right into your game.

6. The Wizard of Oz – I know some people are going to be pissed that his is so low on the list. If this was just about how great it was as children’s a movie it would probably be at the top followed by Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but this is about Gaming! That having been said there is still plenty of gamer inspiration to be drawn from the Wizard of Oz. The Wicked Witch of the West is an archetype that can be used as a template for a villain in your own game.

5. The Goonies – Simply amazing. This remains one of my favorite films to this day. Spielberg and Donner really created a masterpiece with this one. It is also teeming with gaming inspiration. One Eyed Willie’s traps could fit into your own game to provide an unique challenge for your players.

4. The Harry Potter Series – JK Rowling is a very gifted writer. All of her books were very good, but the same cannot be said for the films. The first two, directed by Christopher Columbus, were excellent adaptation, but after that things get a bit more sketchy. Still the story is still there (or some of it at least) and the series has inspired millions and millions of people around the world. Voldemort is another classic villain that can provide inspiration for a villain in your own game.

3. The Neverending Story – The entire movie was meant to inspire the imagination and succeeds spectacularly. This movie really shows children that there are not limits to your imagination. It also provides a deal of bizarre creatures that can be put into any fantasy game.

2. Dungeons and Dragons – The beloved cartoon series of the 80s, not the movie, silly! Come on, you knew it was on this list! Venger, Dungeon Master, and the rest of the gang had some amazing adventures. Was it corny? Yes. Was it silly? Yes. Was it great? You better believe it.

1. The Hobbit – A timeless classic. The music, the animation, the voice acting, and the heart warming tale penned by perhaps the greatest fantasy author of all time make this a must see. Yes a live action movie is on the way, and yes I fully believe it will be amazing, but I think there will always be a place for the classic animated movie as well.

Skip It

The Return of the King (The Cartoon) – Why? Watch this.

The Black Caldron

Gamer Movie Review: Top 10 Medieval/Fantasy Movies of All Time

It's been a while since I updated this section. While making a list of what movies I wanted to do reviews of I thought it would be a good idea to created a Top 10 list of Gamer Movies for various genres. First up is the classic Medieval/Fantasy Top 10 list. These are the must see movies, folks. Required viewing!

Before people freak out about this list, please remember that there are multiple categories so if you love a movie that doesn't appear on this first list I urge you to be patient, your movie may appear on a subsequent list. For fear of Harry Potter fans battering me with hate mail, I will say that the Harry Potter films will appear on a list later.

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TOP TEN MEDIEVAL/FANTASY FILMS

10. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - Most every RPG includes some humor by those playing it, and that is where Holy Grail comes in. One game, Kobolds Ate My Baby, has a rule regarding people who quote this film during play.
    

9. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves - This movie gets a bad rap, but really it is a great film. Great actions scenes and a great cast including the incomparable Morgan Freeman make this a must see.
   

8. Excalibur - I have seen just about every King Arthur movie ever released and this is THE movie of the Arthurian Legend. Knights, magic, jousting, swordplay, this movie has it all. This movie was listed as required viewing by Hackmaster 4th Edition for anyone choosing to play a Knight and for good reason. As a side note I should mention that Bryan Singer is hoping to remake this movie. Those of us who saw Superman Returns are understandably scared.
   

7. Willow - George Lucas wrote Willow and did a great job. The movie had a great script as well as ground breaking special effects, and amazing fight scenes. This was a favorite of mine as a kid. Val Kilmer's Madmartigan
   

6. Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel (Television Shows) - Ok... I cheated again. These are TV shows and there are two of them. Oh well, they need to be on this list. The two shows ran for a combined 12 seasons of great fantasy action. Modern Fantasy is not easy to do, but Joss Whedon is an incredible writer who pulls it off with ease.
   

5. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - This is the ultimate Swashbuckling tale of adventure on film. Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow was an instant classic and for good reason. Keira Knightley is also astonishly beautiful... which helps.
   

4. The Princess Bride - There is so much I could say about this movie, but I don't want to ramble. Suffice to say this is a timless classic that holds up perfectly even today.
   

3. Conan the Barbarian - Conan is one of the most important fantasy influences there is. In a mere two hours Conan teaches us what is best in life, "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentations of their women!" See the clip here... this movie is a priceless gem.
   

2. The Gamers: Dorkness Rising - I've written in length about this movie here. What else can I say, it is the ultimate movie about gamers made by gamers. It would be number one if not for...
   

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - A true masterpiece. If you haven't seen it drop whatever you are doing and go see it now. These are the best films I have ever seen. The amount of work and detail that went into their production is mind blowing.

Gamer Movie Review: Über Goober

Film: Über Goober (Documentary)
Year: 2004
Production Company: Scum Crew Pictures
Director: Steve Metze

Just as the film Trekkies was a documentary that examined Star Trek subculture, so too does Uber Goober examine gamer subculture. It even goes so far as to break gamers up into three main groups; Wargamers who play tactical miniature games like Warhammer, Roleplayers who play games like Dungeons and Dragons, and finally those who LARP (Live action roleplay) and act out their game like those who play Vampire the Masquerade.

Here is the summary from Uber Goober's Website...

Über Goober focuses on the often-misunderstood, sometimes-controversial, and always-kind-of-geeky world of Gamers. Metze examines several different groups including historical miniature gamers, role-players, and those known simply as "LARPers" (Live Action Role Players). The film also explores opposition from religious groups, negative media portrayals ranging from sit-coms to post-Columbine news coverage, and some of the meanest 'man-on-the-street' interviews ever committed to video. Meet the Gamers, learn their exotic language, see their bizarre rituals, gasp at their semi-authentic costumes, and thrill to the painting techniques on their miniatures!

I liked this movie. It's ambitions are in line with its budget and production capability. The makers of the film didn't try to do too much or attempt to illicit specific responses from those they interviewed as you sometimes see in documentary films. Rather they got their subjects going on a topic they are passionate about, Gaming, and let them talk about it and what it means to them.

Nearly all gamers will see some part of themselves in one of the people interviewed in this film. For me it was the cop who refused to be revealed on camera. He, like myself, is what is called a "Closet Gamer." We game, but we typically don't admit it to people. His tale about his wife finding his Dragon Magazine collection and telling her that he, "Only bought it for the articles" was probably my favorite part of the whole film. I have been dating my fiance for 10 years (we are getting married on our 11th anniversary). Just to show you how much of a closet gamer I am I didn't tell her that I gamed until... wait for it... 6 months ago. Yeah, I know... that's bad. But this guy on the film was much the same, and therein lies the greatest part of the film, gamers can relate to these people.

In addition to the very good documentary the DVD has some very entertaining special features, including a guided tour around the town where TSR started by the late great Gary Gygax. The DVD can be purchased here and is certainly worth the fifteen dollar price tag.

Like the Gamers this film is a great window into gamer subculture for those who are not part of it. So if you also haven't told you girlfriend what it is you are really doing on Thursday nights maybe this will help clear things up.

Overall Rating: 7/10 - A great documentary that will have you laughing at it... and maybe a little at yourself as well.

Gamer Movie Review: The Gamers 2: Dorkness Rising

Film: The Gamers 2: Dorness Rising
Year: 2008
Production Company: Dead Gentlemen Productions
Writer: Matt Vancil
Director: Matt Vancil
Staring: Nathan Rice, Brian Lewis, Carol Roscoe, Christian Doyle, Scott Brown, Jen Page


At last we have come to Dead Gentlemen Productions most recent film. This film has a larger budget, as well as larger ambitions than all previous DG films. I waited impatiently for many others while DG struggled to find a distributor so they could release the film.

This film was worth the wait.

Simply put this is DG's masterpiece. The Mona Lisa of Gaming movies. It outstrips even its predecessor, the original Gamers, in all respects. The story is very solid here is a mostly spoiler free plot summary...

Lodge is a struggling writer with a problem. He has written an adventure, but it is unfinished. To finish writing it he needs his gaming group to get through it, something they had been unable to do. After a few failed attempts Lodge decides to shake things up by introducing two new characters. One played by himself (Yes, the dreaded GMPC!) and one played by (Gasp!) a girl!. With these changes the group sets off again in an attempt to succeed where they have previously failed. They face goblins, demons, peasants, and chickens on their way!

That's as detailed as I want to get because I don't want to ruin the film for anyone who hasn't seen it.

This film truly is Gamer subculture on parade. If you pay close attention to such gaming favorites as Munchkin, Nodwick, and Knights of the Dinner Table. There is even an ode to the much beloved creator of Dungeons and Dragons, Gary Gygax.

True gamers will fall in love with this movie almost instantly... but what about non-gamers? The original gamer film gave insight into our hobby to those on the outside, but it didn't really stand up for them as a true film. For example, if one of them watched the original Gamers with no gamer there to explain things they would have been quickly lost and shut off the movie. Matt Vancil, the writer of both Gamer film understands that. So what does he do? He introduces a new player to the table. Any non-gamers watching the film learn along with her. This makes the movie so accessible to the non-gamer crowd that I know some people who have never slung dice in their life, but love the movie and bought it. This is a master stroke by Vancil to open his product up to people beyond the niche audience that forms DG's base.

The rest of the writing in this film is just as good. These are not one dimensional characters we see in this film. Yes, experienced gamers will see some gamer sterotypes, the rules lawyer, for example. But that isn't the only side of the characters that on display. We see them both at, and away from, the gaming table. We are given a view into their lives, hopes, and ambitions. I've written previously that Vancil has a lot of potential as a writer and director, here we see that potential realized. The quality of work is really beyond anything I would have thought possible a few years ago.

The acting is similarly much improved. Once again it is Nathan Rice who is the star of this movie, but the difference is that he doesn't have to carry the film. The others actors in the film are capable of keeping up with, and playing off of, Rice. And the end result is beautiful to behold. All the main cast are solid and have their great moments throughout the film. Flynn, played by Scott C. Brown always gets the most laughs. Brown does a great job, Flynn has some of the best lines, and the plot around the Bard is nothing short of hilarious. Honorable mentions should go out to the team of Christian Doyle and Jen page who share the character of Luster. With the combination of their comedic timing and so very clever writing Luster is a character will quoted for many years to come.

As for the rest of the film, music, scenery, costumes, etc, they are all excellent. The scenery especially really blew me away at times. The inn at Westhaven was one set in particular that I knew a little bit about ahead of time. Writer/Director Matt Vancil built the set for the inn in his garage, but you would never know it. That is how immersive the sets are in this film. It really makes me wonder what Dead Gentlemen Productions could achieve with a normal film's budget.

Overall Rating: 9/10 - This is one of my faovite movies, and is a must see for any and all Gamers!


Here is the trailer for Dorkness Rising... Enjoy!